I just saw the trailer for Keeping Up with the Kardashians on Instagram and Khloe is speaking about her ex-boyfriend and father of her child Tristan, and she says he may love me but he doesn’t respect me.
Now, I don’t watch that show, but when she said that I thought this is so key
Because the truth is Love is NOT enough.
I’ve once had a man that I know for certain really loved me cheat on me with multiple women
And maybe you’ve had the experience of being with a man and you know he loves you but he won’t commit or he’s unavailable or he cheats or whatever
And it’s so confusing because you’re like I know he loves me so whyyyy is he doing this.
Well, there’s a missing piece to making love work and that’s respect.
I’m going to share the top 3 ways to project an energy that increases your chances of making him respect you
Now, if you look up respect in the dictionary, one of the definitions is due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others:
You want a man that loves you yes but that also has high regard for your feelings and wishes
Meaning a man that takes YOUR feelings and desires into account in every action that he takes
A man who loves you but cheats for instance, might honestly love you but he’s lacking in regard for your feelings
So, here’s how to make a man you’re respect you.
#1 is get OUT of the please pick me energy!
NEED is repellant and we never respect people who are needy
We’ve all had the experience of a salesperson being too pushy with us because they work on commission and NEED the sale and if you’ve experienced this, you know that the energy of NEED is super repulsive.
Or those people who stand in front of the grocery store with a petition that they NEED you to sign and you are a good person but you blow them off and walk right by them because honestly in that moment, you don’t respect them.
Now let’s apply this to love.
Men want to do the choosing. But they don’t want to feel forced to choose or like you need them to choose you in order for you to be ok.
So check in, are you currently feeling like you need a man to choose you, love you, commit to you or do xyz in order for you to be ok .
Now, I’m not telling you NOT to have clear wants and desires. In fact, I want you to and we’ll talk about that in a moment.
I’m talking about energy here.
When you think you NEED a man to love or choose you, you will almost always repel him and he’ll lose respect for you
Because energetically what you are saying is, “I’m not whole without you,
And we all have a hard time feeling respect for people who feel that they are incomplete or broken on the inside.
The truth is, you are NOT broken.
And no one person on the outside is the source of your love.
When you know you are worthy and lovable on the inside and know that love is abundant
Then you can be in the energy of, I’d love to have your love, but I don’t need it to survive.
I want it, but I don’t need it, is the best energy to be in.
I call that the Love Goddess energy where you know your worth and what you deserve, and you can click below to grab more info on how to be a love goddess
Now, Here’s way #2 to make him respect you – Have clear expectations and boundaries AND stick to them
If you want to make a man lose respect for you quickly, set a boundary or expectation with him and then go back on it.
So often, women will tell a man that his behavior like not fully showing up, not calling or keeping his word, getting drunk or whatever is not ok,
But then they won’t follow that up with action that demonstrates they are firm in their boundary.
The worst thing that a woman can do is set a boundary and then go back on it
That communicates to a man that your lines really aren’t that firm
One of my clear boundaries that I had in place before I met my husband Mike was that I do not tolerate drama whatsoever in relationships.
I knew there was a certain standard for loving and respectful communication that I wanted to uphold with a man and so early on when dating him when he got upset with me over a minor thing and kind of tried to pick a fight and guilt trip me,
I was just super clear.
In a loving but firm way, I communicated that my standard was no drama in relationships and that I was totally open to hearing him but I wouldn’t be guilted.
Well guess what, he heard my communication and got on the same page with me in terms of the loving way we communicate with each other, even during a disagreement.
Now, we usually go back on an expectation or boundary with a man because again, we feel we NEED him.
Some part of us is trapped in a scarcity story that if we lose this man, there won’t be anything else or anything better, so we feel we have to accept behavior that is lower than what we want because we have no other choice.
Know your boundaries. Know what you expect and deserve from a man you are dating.
And, if he violates a boundary or you explain to him your expectations and desires and does not meet them, be prepared to communicate your boundary AND stick to it.
If a man sees that you are a woman of your word and that you have the self-respect to stick to your convictions, he will respect you too.
Here’s the #3 way to project an energy that makes him respect you
Do things for him, but do MORE for you.
When you’re an over-giving martyr dating personality type, you subconsciously believe that they way to GET love from someone is to give and give and give to them.
While you may have a naturally caring and giving personality, this gets taken too far to the point where you start
to give up everything JUST to be with them.
You compromise on big things like where you’d want to live, or you give up on activities that are important to you just to be with them or you become a people pleaser.
Now to be clear, sometimes moving for a guy is the right decision but sometimes it just represents you being willing to discard everything key and critical about you just to GET love
Ultimately the energy of, “I need to win your love and I’m willing to sacrifice caring for myself to get it,” is just not attractive.
Think of the energy of a mom who’s a total martyr and does everything for her kids – usually the kids love her but they don’t have a lot of respect for her.
Respect comes to the women who say I KNOW IN MY BONES that I am valuable.
I know that I am worth it and taking care of ME is a priority.
I expect you to treat me well and I know what my standards are and stick to them.
And, I’d rather lose you than lose me.
That’s the most powerful position ever for a woman to be in, in love.
Where you love and value yourself so much, that if it came down to it, you’d be willing to lose him, just to keep you.
The second you put caring for that man above caring for you,
the second you put yourself to the side to GET love on the outside,
Is the moment respect starts dwindling.
You matter. And you don’t have to sacrifice yourself or over-give in order to get love.
A Love Goddess knows this and she knows how to get a man totally 100% devoted and of course, respecting her.
I hope this inspires you to have some more r e s p e c t for yourself so men can too.
Sending you light and love,
Author: Nicole Moore
Nicole Moore is a love coach who helps, powerful, influential women find their ideal partner. Using her signature Love Works Method, she’s helped thousands of women find lasting love fast.
Nicole started her company while she was in a relationship she thought would lead to marriage. Instead it resulted in emotional abuse and her boyfriend cheating on her. Suddenly single as a life coach, Nicole had to start following her own advice and take every tip she’d ever taught a client – and it worked. She found her dream man exactly one year after following her program and is now happily married with a beautiful son living in Encinitas, CA.
Nicole has three life coaching certifications, including certification from New York University. She’s been featured in Money Magazine, Forbes, and Greatist.com.