Sometimes we wait too long to get the help we need and unwanted things happen
as a result.
So, as my client Lucy (name changed to protect privacy) finally pulled the trigger on working with me (she’d been in my community for years)
because her relationship was going south quickly,
it’s no surprise that the day after she signed up,
he broke up with her.
Ouch for her.
And, what seemed like a now even bigger task for me as her coach
to help her get the relationship she wanted.
So, we started with the root cause.
Why had she been sabotaging this relationship and picking fights?
Why had her man come on strong in the beginning and then slowly started to pull away, giving less and less of himself and his time to her?
It all came down to the INNER LITTLE GIRL.
Though she’s in her 60s and an amazing, beautiful and powerful woman,
Lucy had never taken the time to heal what I call her “love cracks” within.
As a child, she developed painful stories and limiting beliefs that were STILL creating havoc in her love life today.
– I’m only valuable because of my looks and there’s nothing else great about me. I’m not smart enough, talented enough etc. (and this is a painful story to have because obviously our looks change over time!)
– A man is always going to want someone better and then leave me.
– I’m not getting enough attention and it’s because I’m not worthy of more attention
– Men show up in the beginning but then if you show them too much care or attention, they stop giving you what you want
These old stories and wounds from her little girl manifested in Lucy being worried that her man would leave her for someone else and interestingly enough, he never cheated but he WOULD look at other women in front of her sometimes, which caused her pain.
The old stories and wounds manifested in Lucy constantly obsessing over whether her man was giving her enough attention, being mad when he’d check his phone or take time for himself, because she felt abandoned and left.
The old stories and wounds manifested in Lucy showing up as NEEDY, controlling and overly emotional and ironically at the time she feared that being vulnerable would make her appear needy, but it was already happening.
The old stories and wounds manifested in Lucy snapping and being verbally aggressive with her tone of voice, which in turn triggered his inner wounds.
Basically, her inner little girl was running the show, wreaking havoc, and she didn’t feel she had control.
For 6 whole weeks we JUST worked on her and didn’t even focus on getting her man back.
I showed Lucy how to heal her “love cracks” and finally experience emotional freedom from the painful childhood moments that had caused her to become needy and overly emotional in love.
I showed Lucy how to have emotional fitness so the emotions didn’t overpower her and cause her to act impulsively, say the wrong things, sabotage and then regret it later.
I showed Lucy how to own her worth, see her unique value and understand that she DID deserve a man being full devoted and only having eyes for her.
Basically, she became the woman she TRULY IS for the first time in her life, in her romantic life.
Insanely beautiful, funny, charming, loving, sexy, talented, powerful, and knowing what she deserves and how to communicate in a loving, feminine way to get what she wants from a man.
6 weeks of diving deep and then her man came back into the picture.
To be clear, he had never REALLY wanted to break up with her in the first place.
He was frustrated because she seemed upset with him all of the time and her reactions to him were triggering his inner woundings and he eventually just snapped and said we’re done.
They were slowly trying to move toward being back together.
And this time, our work together was even more important.
Becuase Lucy has to now put everything to practice WITH a man.
It’s easier to do inner work on your love life when single but the rubber really meets the road when you have a MAN in front of you and then you have to CHOOSE to embody the Empowered Woman and not the Inner Little Girl.
I’m not going to lie. After just 6 weeks of doing the work, Lucy’s Inner Little Girl patterns wanted to come back raging when her man came back.
Her system didn’t fully trust yet that she could be THIS loved and adored.
But this time, we had a game plan.
She felt the triggers FIRST before reacting and responding to him.
She owned her worth FIRST and loved herself first before making up stories about him that he wasn’t doing enough or giving enough.
She communicated in an entirely different way than before because she was now using my loving, feminine communication techniques.
This man said I AM MORE IN LOVE WITH YOU THAN EVER BEFORE.
He started naturally calling more, giving her more attention, being more doting.
And to show his absolute faith and devotion to her, on Valentine’s Day he got her a HUGE poster in a picture frame with song lyrics including “I only have eyes for you.”
That was his way of letting her know that he heard her concerns and was fully devoted to her.