Just Fucking Own It

There are so many things that can stop a woman from FULLY achieving her dreams in love and one of the biggest is lack of self worth.  Instead of showing up as confident and empowered in love, knowing our worth and feeling like the prize, women often show up as insecure, people pleasing and desperate to get a man to choose them.  It doesn’t matter whether you’re dating online and seeking online dating tips for women or you’re out in the real world and face to face with a potential date…The ego mind makes up a million and one reasons for us to feel less than worthy of being chosen and often, it uses wounds from childhood or areas where we were made fun of in the past as reasons we can’t find love today.

For me, one of those areas of unworthiness was my physical appearance and race.  Unfortunately, when I was growing up, there weren’t many interacial dating tips out ther eand hardly any advice for non-white people to find love.  I’m mixed race.  My mother is Cuban and my father is ½ African American ½ Italian.  As a kid growing up on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, most of my friends were caucasian and I honestly didn’t think twice about it.  Except when someone would comment on my hair or ask me the question I would end up hearing about a million times in my life “what are you?”. 

I felt different, not normal and not good enough because of my appearance and that created a cavern of low self worth within me which made my dating experiences less than stellar.
I remember going online to date after my first breakup with my first love, seeking out tips, stumbling upon online dating tips but still feeling scared.   I honestly thought that white guys wouldn’t choose me or that only a certain type of person would because of the way I looked.  Not that I needed a white guy to choose me, I was open to dating all races but the point is, I went into the experience with limits in my mind because of my past.  I didn’t have a handbook of interacial dating tips to turn to so I just defaulted to the assumption that I would be seen as less than on the dating market because I was not white.  The solution to this dilemma came when I decided to just f*cking own it.  I decided that my mixed race identity wasn’t something that would hold me back but actually something that would benefit me in the dating market.  I told myself over and over again: “I’m mixed race so I appeal to so many different men and can relate with so many.”  I decided to turn the negative into my biggest asset.  Today, I work with many Women of Color and interacial dating tips are often a part of the discussion.  We work on dismantling limiting beliefs around cultural and racial identities.  We grieve for the feelings of being different and less than. And then we ultimately DECIDE for every single woman who comes my way, we DECIDE that she gets to have the exact kind of love she wants not in spite of the things that make her “different” but BECAUSE of them.  Truthfully, the best interacial dating tips are about love, respect and honoring someone else’s lived experience and I can only imagine how much more confident of a dater I would have been if I had OWNED my background and identity sooner. 

Now, in terms of owning it, I want to mention one thing that’s super important.  So many women are afraid to own their full power and light, especially in the online dating world because they’re afraid that by shining their light, they’ll attract the bad men.  So, one of the biggest online dating safety tips I can give is to know in your mind and heart that shining doesn’t make you unsafe, fear does.   When you’re already terrified of bad men or you believe that all men are going to hurt you, you tend to attract experiences that reinforce those beliefs.  Practice online dating safety tips of course in a practical way. Don’t give your number out until you feel comfortable.  Let someone else know your whereabouts when you go on a date and check in with that person after the date so someone else knows you’re safe.  There are practical online dating safety tips you can use to create a sense of physical safety. But, the biggest sense of safety comes from within and sometimes the first thing you have to OWN before you can just f*cking own it in dating and in love is your RIGHT to be safe.  You have a divine right to be safe and protected in this world.  You have a strong intuition.  Use it. Trust it. Follow its lead.  Instead of turning off your light because you don’t want the bad men to see it and therefore blocking out the good ones, turn UP your intuition.  Shine, but listen within too. Follow the practical online dating safety tips and your own intuition and you’ll likely feel safer than you ever have before to shine and OWN IT.