Two weeks ago, I did something that I’ve never done before. 

I booked a 7-day destination spa vacation in Sedona, Arizona 
with 2 spa treatments a day and nothing else to do but relax, recharge and rest. 

I took a real, full-on, no work, no email, no social media vacation.

And part of me was scared to share this
because I was worried that people might think “wow, that’s excessive”.

Or “who does she think she is to do something SO luxurious”.

But then I realized, I HAVE to share this. 

Not to brag…but to liberate.

Because I realized that those voices of fear in my head that were telling me 
that maybe I’m “too much” and “too indulgent”
are the exact same voices that ALL women have in their heads
that keep them from TRULY caring for themselves.

You see, I was scared when I booked that trip.
Even though I work SO hard, give so much to everyone else and
my body has been screaming at me that I needed a major rest.
(not to mention that being preggo takes a lot of energy!)

I’ve spent a ton of money on coaching and personal development (about 200k over 10 years)
but to spend money on something JUST FOR ME,
with no “return on my investment” other than relaxation??

To a part of me, that seemed crazy (even though I did have the money for the trip in my bank account).

But, I chose not to listen to those crazy fear voices
and choose love for myself.

And let me tell you, I’m SO glad that I did.
Because aside from having an AMAZING spa vacation that was truly magical,
I learned some very important lessons that I want to share with you.

Lesson # 1 – Life is always better when it’s spent with someone you love

I had an amazing 4 days at the spa by myself before my Man came.
Today, I love my alone time and no longer feel lonely when I’m by myself.

It wasn’t always that way though…
I couldn’t even walk the 10 minute walk from the subway to my apartment in NYC without calling my boyfriend when I was in my early 20s, and I used to feel SO lonely when I was by myself and always try and fill the space.

At that time, my desire for a man to share my life with was coming from a void inside of me. 

I worked a lot on myself, to fill that space and get to a place where I no longer felt like I NEEDED a man’s love and presence, but I wanted a man to compliment my already amazing life.

And, during that time, I traveled alone (to Bali for 2 weeks solo, for example) learned to eat out at a restaurant by myself without feeling like a total loser, and learned to just be comfortable in my own presence and be my own best friend.

BUT, through it all, I realized this…
traveling alone can be amazing AND it’s better when you have someone you love by your side.
a sunset is magical and it really is so much better when you can turn to someone you love next to you and say “isn’t that beautiful?”

Alone time is great and necessary, but too much alone time can make you an over-thinker, over-analyzer and someone who has developed such a strong relationship with the fear voice inside of your head, that you have a hard time actually having a relationship with a man because you can’t see him, you only see the thoughts in your head about him. 

If you’re too lonely on your own, then work on loving yourself and being OK with stillness.
If you’re too independent and isolated, then work on letting your guard down, releasing your judgments and and analyzing about men, and open up to true connection.

Life is best when 
A) you love yourself and feel great spending time alone BUT
B) you don’t have to because you have an amazing partner by your side. 

Lesson #2 – Other people’s negative opinions really don’t matter…they are just a projection

One of the treatments that I received at the spa was a psychic massage, where the practitioner looks into your body and energy field, and can spot if there’s any negativity inside.  She can also tell you what your soul gifts are that you brought into this life.

Well, I was expecting her to tell me that I had negativity inside of me somewhere, or something to shift, 
but instead she told me “you have such a pure energy. you are pure good.  you are pure sweetness.” 

WOW. 

I could feel the resonance of truth in that. 
And immediately, I thought back to a woman who a month earlier had emailed me about 8 paragraphs of how horrible she thought I was, how she thought I was too young to know anything and a bunch of other negative things.

At the time, that email really stung because I had opened my heart to care about this woman and coach her.
She didn’t participate in the program from day 1, then tried to back out, and when I told her that she was under contract and that I was here to help her reach her love goal and wouldn’t give up on her, she sent me back that nasty email. (yes, this happens sometimes in business and it’s unfortunate but part of the territory).

Now, this woman wasn’t wrong…she’s just hurt (and has been for 50+ years) and has had a lot of people hurt her in her life, so she couldn’t open up to trust me even though I actually AM safe.

But, even though I knew that intellectually, I honesty let her comments sting for a week (I’m human).

After that woman read my energy in the session though, I realized that I am NEVER AGAIN going to let someone else’s negative projection of their own self-hate become my truth. 

 A Course in Miracles says that “all attack is self-attack” and I know even deeper now that that is TRUTH.

If someone is criticizing you and you KNOW in your heart, that you are good and weren’t doing anything to hurt or offend them, then stand by your truth and don’t use their words to hurt yourself.

(ps: in case you’re wondering, the healer said that my soul gifts that I came here with are that I am a “Guardian Angel” and that I bring peace and protection to the people who are “under my wings”)

Lesson #3 – Women really do need to be FULL first in order to love best

For me, since my work is also personal mission on the planet,
it can be hard to fully disconnect. 

I am so passionate about helping every single woman that works with me find and create epic love,
that sometimes it can be hard for me NOT to check email one last time or go on facebook to check on my group programs and see if anyone needs support.

But, I was starting to feel depleted and my level of joy was lagging. 

Maybe for you this shows up with work, or with kids, or in just not making enough time for you so you feel like your whole day is responding to what other people need from you.

The bottom line is, by taking 7 days to fully rest and regenerate, I felt so FULL of  love again and couldn’t wait to check on my clients and support them.

AND, I also had extra love to give to my Man, who came to stay me for the last 3 days of my trip.

Women need to be FILLED UP first. Then, we really do naturally want to give to others.
The second we over-give and feel depleted, then our outflow of love dries up.

If you’re feeling like it’s hard to love, appreciate, or  others, and you’re feeling stressed,
then that’s a sure sign that you need to take some time to fill up your love tank again.

I hope that these lessons were helpful for you.

AND, if you’ve been wanting to take a vacation or
invest in a personal development program that’s NOT business-related but for YOU
(like love coaching or weight loss or something with a less “tangible guaranteed return” than money)
DO IT.

There is no one more important than you.
And there is no better investment you can make than in your happiness.

xo,
Nicole

Here is the beautiful spa I stayed at! (The Mi Amo Spa in Sedona)